Learning Process

In case you didn't know, I did not get the job that I was been waiting to hear from for 2 months. So the search continues. I have felt many emotions this week.
My first reaction was determination. I spent hours applying for every job I could find. Praying that God would bless one of them! So positive that my move would still happen soon. Believing that God is the only one that can make anything happen. Trust and wait for him.
Then I felt confusion. Confused about whether it was a good idea to move to PA. Questioned all of my motivations. Still didn't feel like I should be staying in Chicago. Just confused what I should be doing and what the next step would be.
Then feeling discouraged. Feeling like no matter what I do nothing will ever change. I will be stuck in the same place forever. Maybe I should just give up on my desire to move to PA. Give up on all my reasons for moving.
Then I got in a crazy place of wanting to step out in faith. I wanted to apply for a job at the camp I grew up at. It was a great job which would have been exactly what I wanted and give me some amazing skills to find a job after the internship would end. Big problem was money. If I had not made some bad money choices years ago, the pay would have been fine. But no way for me to pay the bills I have now. Kind of felt like I was being reminded and punished for my bad decisions.
Then I found a cheap flight to NJ. Tossed the idea of going to see my mom during her spring break. Concerns  were having no interviews, spending money I am saving for a move, and using vacation days I was saving for job interviews. Maybe in a moment of insanity or maybe amazing trust, I bought a plane ticket for April 25-27. Now I am praying hard that I will not only get to see my mom but that I would get 1-3 interviews. I know I might sound crazy but I know that God can do it! Waiting on Him!
Right now, I am unsure how I feel. All I know is that I started crying in church today when I realized how big my God is and how much I had questioned and doubted Him this week. I still believe that God wants me to move to PA. It is hard for me to understand why God is not allowing it at this time. I want to move tomorrow. I am not scared to move (not a normal reaction for me) but I am scared to stay and continue to run from my family.
For all the people who think that I am crazy, I have a long list of reasons why I know that this is the right thing to do. If you are one of those people who keep telling me that I should stay, please know that it is important for me to have the support of my friends. I am not moving to run away from anything or I think PA offers a better life. It is the next step in healing my ties with my family. Something I have only been willing to do for about 6 months. Please encourage me and pray for me even if you don't understand it.