Oddly enough it was at a working training that I realized something so simple. I realized that everything I want in life is all about me. Not that any of those things are bad. I want to be debt-free one day. I want to enjoy my job. I want to be married with kids one day. I want to stop feeling like a failure at the age of 30. None of those things are wrong but not where my focus needs to be.
Funny how you can go to church, read the bible, have Christian friends, be in a Bible study, and love Jesus and get so caught up in the self help world. When asked today to write down one goal that I will work on for the next 30 days. I wrote to be debt free in 3 years. I really wanted to write down have a husband but how lame does that sound. Plus how in the world would I work on that for 30 days without being the most desperate woman I know. As people talked about what stuck out to them in the speech about goals, I realized that it was not what I needed to work on. I do need to be more careful with my money but not the main thing. I wrote underneath it to become a devoted follower of Christ. I really started to ponder what the really means. Then a message came to be that my pastor ( I am going to call him that even though I have only heard him preach twice) preached on a couple of weeks ago. We pursue what we care about. What am I pursuing? A husband since I joined eHarmony a few days ago. A better looking body since I starting watching what I eat and working out. The list can continue but I won't bore you with that. How many times a week am I reading in the Word? How many times a week am I truly praying for my friends? How well am I trying to withstand temptation? These are the goals that are important to me and yet this is not where I am putting my energy. That is what I want to be better at. Being good at my job is a good thing but all my goals focus on Christ. That makes me the person who is successful at life!
I miss accountability. Not saying that my shortcomings are because I don't have people in my life to help me. But I realize how much Christian community is so important in this world. I love my friends at work but I long for friends like Misty, Alisha, Lisa, and Ramona. People that I can share my deep desires and they know exactly what I am talking about. Just laugh about the craziest of stuff with. Someone who faces the darkest part of my life with me with no judgement. Hoping God brings someone like that soon. Also hoping Harvest starts a Sunday Bible Study!!
Thanks for reading all the way through. This is a bit more serious than normal and probably a bit all over the place. I love you all!
